[Beasty]

BEASTYS GUIDE TO TRICKING WOMEN INTO THINKING YOU'RE A VALUABLE LIFE PARTNER

What's up degenerates, it's ya boy, the OG shitpost god, coming out of retirement to retake the game. Now some of you might be saying to yourselves, "Is this gheezer for shizzle?" And to that I say, if I was your dad I'd beat the shit out of you for listening to that soundcloud rap shit. If you want to scream gucci gang like you have a year's pass to the short bus, that's your prerogative, but go do it where the gay german pedophiles hang out, because this ain't your hood, ye'hermy? 

Anyways, today I'm gonna teach you sad sacks of shit a thing or two about a topic that has mystified mankind since time immemorial. That is, women. Now I'm not going to go into the nitty gritty of "what is a woman" or "what differentiates a woman from a man" because I know you boys have spent enough nights in locked in your bathroom sobbing as you tug your meat to know the answer to those questions. But I will explain some forgotten truths,  and hopefully this will help you all become respectable men in our degenerate and hypergamous society.




1. Women are retarded

Now some of you might have had an inclination that this is the case, and to that I say; you ain't slick jimmy, the autism of the female brain is palpable. That's like striking out an entire toddler tee-ball team. Like, great job, you're a budding adult with a pair of arms. But to many of you, you might have misgivings about this undeniable fact of life. You might have even mumbled something about feminism in front of that girl in class with the nose ring who's a maybe a 6/10 on a good day because that's about as much courage as your shrimp ***** can muster. Well I'm here to tell you that those old white guy's from the 50's were right,  and you can't trust blacks and women to run society. Look at Detroit or any book club if you need further proof. 

You see boys, women unfortunately have these things called "emotions" and they are ruled by them. I'm pretty sure they're like parasites from outer space or something. The worst of it is these emotions aren't ruled by any sort of rationale or structure beyond neurochemical interactions, which is about as sturdy a foundation as your little brothers wood shop project a week after he took it home.

Unfortunately, I don't really have a tip for this point because it's so pervasive and it's difficult to reduce it's all encompassing nature down into digestable bits. You're just going to have to come to accept that more than half the human population is functionally lobotomized.




2. Women don't know what they want

Like the last point I made, you might have heard this from your drunk uncle at thanksgiving dinner. You know, the one with syphilis who your parents won't let you go on a weekend hunting trip with because they're afraid he'll give you your first light beer or something. Well let me just say that he didn't get those STD's from sucking blood packs in an inner city clinic like they were gogurt tubes, alright? The man know's a thing or two about women. In any case, they might say they want a romantic sit down dinner by candle light, but the reality is they just want to take pictures of it and snapchat it to raise their social standing within the social dominance heirarchy, And in actuality they're creeped out by your overcompensation. Instead, I suggest the McDonalds dollar menu. That way when she complains about cramps as a reason to not sleep with you that night you'll know it isn't a lie. Seriously, those mchicken sandwiches sit in your colon like a section 8 tenant pretending they didn't get their eviction notice.

You see, women grow up watching too many disney movies, and they subconciously come to understand themselves as Cinderella because they have to participate in a two income household. Like hello, 2008 called and wanted to let you know that our economy will be in the shitter until at least 2040. The best thing you can do in this case is make her do all the housework ON TOP OF her 9 to 5, because A. Housework is a womans job, and B. Working a cash register at a department store is not back breaking work, and she can do both without collapsing like michael j. fox on a treadmill. This lets her know that you're her boyfriend/husband, not her beta orbiter, and you've got too much self respect to degrade yourself into being her plaything.




3. Just BEE Yourself

Now for our last tip of the day, I just want to clarify something. Alot of you sorry excuse for ubermensch think that respecting women means giving them whatever they want, probably because you're a bunch of simps who were weaned off your mother's tit on the same afformentioned Disney movies. Well let me tell you something, no woman will "complete" you. That's some gay shit. Do you really think you're going to suddenly become a newer, stronger man just because you have a girlfriend or get your ***** sucked? If anything, they're even more work on top of the effort you have to exude every morning just waking up and having to face the day. I mean, how's someone who takes an hour to chug through the mental processes of figuring out what to wear going to revolutionize you in ways you can't already do yourself?

That's the grand irony of the prototypical chad advice of "just bee urself". They're right, for all the wrong reasons. You see, nobody can make you the best version of yourself you can be except you. When it comes down to it, women are basically children that you can put your ***** into. Ultimately, if there's anything you take away from this thread, it's this; only you can prevent forest fires. If your life is an inferno of failed expectations, and YOU don't want to carry water buckets to and from the blaze, why would anyone else? The only people who have trouble being self confident are those who AREN'T self confident. And if that's the case, no gf will change that. So improve yourself, for your own sake, and forget women because they're nothing but trouble. Stop playing fortnite and read a book or something you cucks. Be the best you that you can be, and everything else will work out.

Well, either that, or AI robo-waifus will arrive soon, in which case stay strong brothers. Elon Musk will save us from the horror that is women.