hello, again it's Sal.
On the first segment of today's blog, I will be discussing my depression and how it has become apart of my daily life.
well, I won't go drudging on and on about how sad my life is and how sad I am more so why I am here yesterday I did say I'm doing this for if I am lost but I am also doing this to answer frequently asked questions as well.
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I'll start from the beginning.
you see for one year and a third I have been living in a motel and have not had much interaction with the world but before that, I was living in a cabin in the woods, not a log cabin no one really does that anymore.
I had been staying in that cabin in the woods for three years and a half
so really I have been in isolation for almost five and a half years
no contact with the world
I mean my cousins lived just down the road from me, I'd go for bike rides sometimes and I won't say I've been in complete isolation
id go out shopping with my mom sometimes, we'd go out two days a week every Tuesday and Friday.
you might wonder why Tuesday, at the time I would go to homeschool events together Tuesdays they called it
it's really funny thinking about it now because it never felt very together and accepting of me, I was 12 and 5"8' most people thought I was 16 because of my weight, I weighed 268 lbs when id go up and talk to the other kids my age the parents would literally pull their kids away from me by their shoulders
the parents would take one look at me and think I was a pedophile, you see this isn't the worst part, other kids wanted to be in that situation except they don't know what they were really asking once you start acting like an adult you cant stop at all ever, because you will be so used to it that if you try it only makes the situation worse not just that but everyone around you will be used to it, so if your a girl wanting to be or look like a woman, let me tell you the grass is not always greener on the other side.
now, how did I get here?
that cabin was my grand mothers house we lived with her and took care of her for a good year and a half, my mother had gotten cancer for the second time and could no longer take care of my grandmother, so she went to philidelphia for treatment i didnt come with her the first time she went, while she was gone my aunt tried to give me a placement test for public school, my aunt and uncle sat me down in a chair and said i could not go back to what i was doing until i got the test done although they said it was just shool work my mom wanted me to do (which was absaloute bull shit!), when my mom found out she stopped her treatment came back home and took me over to philidelphea with her while we were gone my aunt had called C.P.S (child portective services) on us knowing we were not in the state, my aunt had called them trying to start and argument she could not win, saying I was not doing the proper work I needed to be doing, this lasted for two monts, the next year comes around. my aunt my uncle and his wife, call C.P.S. trying to get us in trouble for something that was not happening, they contined using the same arguement aginst us, then my uncles wife started to tell his kids (my cousins) to start doing target practice on me. every year they would get the newest CO2 air soft modle when id go out for walks I'd get attacked by them and their dogs, I'd have to buy new clothing all the time always getting rips and holes in my pants and shirts, guess what? my aunt and uncle started saying I was being abused and wasnt in a save enviorment, when the social worker asked how id get covered in brusies and my clothing always having holes and rips, I told them it was from my cousins, the social worker knew what was going on and told us that they are trying to use C.P.S. as an eviction serverice, you'd be suprised as to how commen it is, after a month they stop. my mom continues to go to her treatments one night we come back and someone was sleeping in my grandmothers bedroom, i go and knock on the door and this pissy old women who could hardly speak proper english comes out, i asked who she was and aparently she was the new live in aid.. a week goes by and the house goes from smelling like roses to a slaughterhous, one day i opened the freezer and there were fish heads in it.., because this woman was living with us we were too scared to go down stairs and grab something to eat, at night i would hear arabic chanting, she literally scared the living hell out of me, at the time i was only 12 i didnt need that, we had delt with that for a good two years now, 2016 rolls in we get a notice how my grand mother was in better health when we were taking care of her, later on spring of 2016 we get served eviction notices on my sisters birthday, june comes up and we're served another set of eveiction notices, on my birthday, september my grandmother passes away
literally the day after we're served with the third set of eviction notices. october, we found this motel and have been here sense.
and that is how im living in a motel and have my depression
i hope you enjoyed todays segment, tomorrow ill be more focused on more positivity.
