[SmG Riley_isbatman803]

The Dark Passenger

Even though I feel you riding with me we never speak. I'm afraid of you, you just sit in the side seat. You act so different than I try to be. I never know if it's safer for you to drive. There's no trust between us. This car of ours doesn't drive safely, it's broken with check engine lights on. The cars exterior is warped, expanded, scratched, uneven and vandalized. The headlights aren't shiny, one of them is dimmer than the other. The motor kicks, randomly sputtering and never sounds correct.  But despite all of this you stay, you keep whispering "Just one more time". But I can't, there's no guarantee that you won't further damage this ride. We can't exactly get a new car so taking care of it is the responsibility of the two of us. But you won't. You only care about the chance of you driving. Your greed is like a black hole. Undying, loud, and impossible to see and feed. But yet I still beg and plead for you to see reason. 


Days have passed now, you still sit there with your dark eyes only visible through the night. You stare aimlessly through the windshield craving for more arsenal. You pry and inspect the interior again, opening every nook and crannie looking for the old me. I can't remember how I managed to escape him, that ruthlessly broken being. So strong but not visible, so convincing and sly, but never honest. Loyal like a dog, and vicious like a stray. After any attention possible just to throw it away. Quick as I am, nothing escapes his wit. He found the old photos. The ones I hid underneath the mirror. I had hoped he'd never find those again, they work so well against me. I can never burn them.  I can't throw them out either. Their value weighs more than gold but come with the same price.

Then there’s the hidden truth of needing you, and there’s the truth of needing you. My Dark Passenger to somehow maintain a sense of normalcy. To know that deep down I can’t be just some bad person, something to put my mistakes and errors in. I need to have a Dark Passenger and it hurts my pride. There’s been times recently where I allowed you to drive just for a quick minute and immediately I regretted it. I ended up strictly slamming on the brakes howling in the cab. 

How could I let this happen? I’ve stayed in my own lane, passed by other people driving blindly. I’ve told you no constantly and consistently day in and night out. Yet I’ve failed and fallen prey to you once again. Tears stream down as I know that I can never fully defeat you.