[Lynx]

Now before you make any jokes, this is real talk on my behalf.

Let me explain. These past few years, I.E 5, have been constant up hill battles. Whether its externally or internally. When i was in 5th grade, i received word my dad was sick with cancer... and at the time i didn't think much about. It wasn't superbly worrying as it was in the early stages and it was cure-able at the time. Now, i'm not asking you to take pity upon me, im asking you as the reader to help me clarify what the problem is. Or atleast help me figure out what the situation is. 

After i got out of Elementary school and entered middle school, things crashed for me and my family. We lost our family business, we lost our home and cars. It was a fucking slaughter to our names. Those next few years were year's of just pure anger, depression and loss. My dads cancer worsened into the... un-treatable zone. We had to live in a hotel for 3 fucking years and figure out what to do for the rest of the next few years. We were desperate and had to act fast before we ended up on the street, so my parents resorted to working for a major drug dealer in town. Did we want to? FUCK NO, our hands were tied behind our backs. Thankfully it didn't resort to any "favors" if you get what im saying. Anyways, they had to resort to all that while we kids had to just hold on emotionally and physically. Me and my siblings were unprepared for such a collapse, as throughout our lives, things SEEMED ok. 

After my parents pulled through, we got the hell away from hotel and drug life. We cut off anyone and anybody we once knew there. Kingpins, gang members, you name it. At the time of this comeback, my dad was on his last stages of life and before we knew it... he left this world without seeing our belongings being pulled out of storage units. So after those days, my mother promised us kids that this would never happen again. No more battles, no more hotels, no more debts or drugs involved in our names. We wiped the slate clean....

Even after the dust settled and everyone's reign of depression ended, i myself still feel like im missing something. I was 11 or 12 when this began and now that im 15, the world kicked me in the face real fast. Im not sure why, but everyday i wake up, I don't feel motivated to do much but play video games and talk to my friends here in the community. Im not sure why, but i feel like im hardcore missing something. Like a point. Or maybe a piece to the puzzle.

I know that no one here is a registered psychiatrist, but maybe one of you could help me elaborate. Believe it or not, i came here when everything first crashed for me and this has been my safe haven from hell for some time. I can put my faith into most of you because i know that i can trust all of you here. I've said it before and i'll say it again, you guys are my E-family. And thats why i've come for answers.

Help me make sense of this old war tale of my life, please. 

Love your homie 
M u s s