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Find a nice looking rock, paint 2 eyes on rock, give it a name, friend made. Repeat process as many times as you like.
Talk to rock as often as possible being as friendly as you can, share with it often and never leave it alone for too long.
Once you are comfortable doing this with your rock friends then try being friendly with a human, you will be surprised how easy it is.
Don't piss off old people.
The older we get the less "life in prison" is a deterrent.