[Lynx]

Now before you make any jokes, this is real talk on my behalf.

Let me explain. These past few years, I.E 5, have been constant up hill battles. Whether its externally or internally. When i was in 5th grade, i received word my dad was sick with cancer... and at the time i didn't think much about. It wasn't superbly worrying as it was in the early stages and it was cure-able at the time. Now, i'm not asking you to take pity upon me, im asking you as the reader to help me clarify what the problem is. Or atleast help me figure out what the situation is. 

After i got out of Elementary school and entered middle school, things crashed for me and my family. We lost our family business, we lost our home and cars. It was a fucking slaughter to our names. Those next few years were year's of just pure anger, depression and loss. My dads cancer worsened into the... un-treatable zone. We had to live in a hotel for 3 fucking years and figure out what to do for the rest of the next few years. We were desperate and had to act fast before we ended up on the street, so my parents resorted to working for a major drug dealer in town. Did we want to? FUCK NO, our hands were tied behind our backs. Thankfully it didn't resort to any "favors" if you get what im saying. Anyways, they had to resort to all that while we kids had to just hold on emotionally and physically. Me and my siblings were unprepared for such a collapse, as throughout our lives, things SEEMED ok. 

After my parents pulled through, we got the hell away from hotel and drug life. We cut off anyone and anybody we once knew there. Kingpins, gang members, you name it. At the time of this comeback, my dad was on his last stages of life and before we knew it... he left this world without seeing our belongings being pulled out of storage units. So after those days, my mother promised us kids that this would never happen again. No more battles, no more hotels, no more debts or drugs involved in our names. We wiped the slate clean....

Even after the dust settled and everyone's reign of depression ended, i myself still feel like im missing something. I was 11 or 12 when this began and now that im 15, the world kicked me in the face real fast. Im not sure why, but everyday i wake up, I don't feel motivated to do much but play video games and talk to my friends here in the community. Im not sure why, but i feel like im hardcore missing something. Like a point. Or maybe a piece to the puzzle.

I know that no one here is a registered psychiatrist, but maybe one of you could help me elaborate. Believe it or not, i came here when everything first crashed for me and this has been my safe haven from hell for some time. I can put my faith into most of you because i know that i can trust all of you here. I've said it before and i'll say it again, you guys are my E-family. And thats why i've come for answers.

Help me make sense of this old war tale of my life, please. 

Love your homie 
M u s s

[SmG TrueGrimSkull]

You'll get through this my man! Stay strong!

[«SmG» Pandora]

It's a hard weight to maintain. But it's possible to refresh your mind and start fresh. You can always talk to someone about it. If things really get out of hand don't be ashamed to call a therapist.

I've had a similar problem that involved long term anxiety and I've beaten it by talking to people, taking full care of yourself and taking some time to just sit and temporarily practice your mind to relax and stop thinking.

[AnaRCHy]

I know this might not help. But remember things always look worse before they get better. <3
People who make jokes about this are just immature.

[SmG Flower]

Now before you make any jokes, this is real talk on my behalf.

Let me explain. These past few years, I.E 5, have been constant up hill battles. Whether its externally or internally. When i was in 5th grade, i received word my dad was sick with cancer... and at the time i didn't think much about. It wasn't superbly worrying as it was in the early stages and it was cure-able at the time. Now, i'm not asking you to take pity upon me, im asking you as the reader to help me clarify what the problem is. Or atleast help me figure out what the situation is. 

After i got out of Elementary school and entered middle school, things crashed for me and my family. We lost our family business, we lost our home and cars. It was a fucking slaughter to our names. Those next few years were year's of just pure anger, depression and loss. My dads cancer worsened into the... un-treatable zone. We had to live in a hotel for 3 fucking years and figure out what to do for the rest of the next few years. We were desperate and had to act fast before we ended up on the street, so my parents resorted to working for a major drug dealer in town. Did we want to? FUCK NO, our hands were tied behind our backs. Thankfully it didn't resort to any "favors" if you get what im saying. Anyways, they had to resort to all that while we kids had to just hold on emotionally and physically. Me and my siblings were unprepared for such a collapse, as throughout our lives, things SEEMED ok. 

After my parents pulled through, we got the hell away from hotel and drug life. We cut off anyone and anybody we once knew there. Kingpins, gang members, you name it. At the time of this comeback, my dad was on his last stages of life and before we knew it... he left this world without seeing our belongings being pulled out of storage units. So after those days, my mother promised us kids that this would never happen again. No more battles, no more hotels, no more debts or drugs involved in our names. We wiped the slate clean....

Even after the dust settled and everyone's reign of depression ended, i myself still feel like im missing something. I was 11 or 12 when this began and now that im 15, the world kicked me in the face real fast. Im not sure why, but everyday i wake up, I don't feel motivated to do much but play video games and talk to my friends here in the community. Im not sure why, but i feel like im hardcore missing something. Like a point. Or maybe a piece to the puzzle.

I know that no one here is a registered psychiatrist, but maybe one of you could help me elaborate. Believe it or not, i came here when everything first crashed for me and this has been my safe haven from hell for some time. I can put my faith into most of you because i know that i can trust all of you here. I've said it before and i'll say it again, you guys are my E-family. And thats why i've come for answers.

Help me make sense of this old war tale of my life, please. 

Love your homie 
M u s s

Life is never easy, and I hope that in the near future you find whatever you think you are missing. Sometimes we can learn from hardships and turn them into something positive instead :)

[SmG Kaye]

always here to talk ! 

[SmG LittleBeta]

Seems like nobody has actually answered anything so I will put my thoughts into play. I understadnd that feeling of "missing something" when it comes to depression. I experienced a deep depression and apathy later on for about 4 years. I used to live with my birth mom and her negativity on the constant added to the loneliness and negativity I was already fighting within myself. I did take the time throughout all of that to examine myself and think deep into the root cause. It took me a while but I came up with what best fit and it helped clarify some things for me which lessened the effects. Its like once you are aware of it you can fight against it so much easier. I won't go into detail about my root bc its very personal and i'm still new around here.

That something you're missing tho is what you need to seek. Think for yourself on your past and your own issues you experience now. If you can become self aware of your own problems it also helps bc then you can understand when its you telling yourself lies in your own thoughts or if its logical thought. It could be a mix of differing aspects that cause that emptiness you feel but the only one that can piece it together is you bc you know your own life the most. To put it simply become your own "psychologist" so to speak and ask yourself the hard questions in order to better understand yourself. That was the key to it for me.

And know this, you aren't alone and you aren't the only one that has experienced this kind of thing. I think its wonderful that you're aware of figuring this out tho. Not a lot of ppl have it in them to confront themselves or their problems they deal with on the daily. It's so much easier to just not care about it or pretend but that isn't the answer and neither is sitting in your own negatative stagnant puddle. If you need someone to think outside the box with i'm always available.

[Lynx]

I have looked over what was thrown my way and i appreciate the love. I will need some time to contemplate what is creating this feeling of emptiness. Thanks everyone, i appreciate the love and comments.