[Huayra]

Im not a good writer, but i need an opinion

If you guys like it, i will continue on to part 2

General William walked into the command center of the HMAS Idol and assessed the bridge personnel. Lieutenant Jasper on the communication console, tired and lacking enthusiasm. Lieutenant Grade 2 Richard on the communication console, analyzing all frequencies Richard on the communication console, analyzing all frequencies Richard on the communication console, analyzing all frequencies, standard and nonstandard, for anything that will help them in their attack. Warrant officer Dominique was on the weapons console, waiting for a target to show up on her radar to fire at.
William was proud of his crew, but they were showing the strain. They had been fighting for 3 days, and this is their first respite. William took a seat at the command chair. “Sir, we have a priority one communique from Fleetcom. They want to talk to you”. Richard sounded like he had a hangover. “Patch it through to my console”, ordered William.
On the screen popped the face of a recently shaved Field Marshal. William didn’t recognize the man, so he referred to him as sir. “General William, I am Field Marshal Peter. I have some disturbing intelligence about enemy movements. There are three enemy ships en route to your destination. They are approximately 1200 kilometers away.”
William checked his co-ordinates. Although they are 200 kilometers closer, the profile of the ships on the view screen showed that the class of the ship was a corvette-class CV73 Type II. These ships were the fastest ships in the fleet, Capable of speeds of up to 300 KM/H. they would get there one day before them.
Peter continued, “If they get to your destination before you do, all hell will break loose. Intercept them and take them out. I have marked the location of all 3 based on our contacts. Good luck”. The screen winked dead and briefed his bridge crew. “Alright men, we have a job to do. Head to target 1, bearing 221 by 78.” The ship turned slowly to the west. “I’m going to quarters; wake me up in 5 hours”.

The alarm buzzed, and William woke up. Lieutenant Dominique appeared on the view screen and looked worried. “Sir? We have come across a long range radar contact. A corvette, heading straight for us.”. “Alright, prepare the ship for combat, level alpha warning. Warm up the guns, and sight on the target. Compensate for the speed.”. “Yes sir”. He got dressed and walked to the bridge.
The corridors were as busy as New York on a busy Sunday. There were commandoes running up and down preparing for Ship to Ship combat. He eventually got to the bridge where the bridge was as cool as the ships coolant, keeping the engines from burning a hole in the hull. As he entered, the bridge went to attention. He gave them a half-salute and took his position in his command control

When he arrived on the bridge, the target was now on medium range censors. “Sir, Fleetcom message coming through, text only”:

Fleetcom priority 1 message
Code: eyes only
From [Codename-Black] to [codename-seal]
Subject: interception of target designated as alpha 1.
Start message

I strongly suggest you hold off the attack on alpha 1, we have heard that there is nuclear ordinance onboard. If this were to explode, there would be a shockwave 12 kilometers wide. This causes a tsunami, which will destroy your destination

End message, press enter to continue

That was bad news, he started to order to turn around, but something told him that if they didn’t attack the target, there would be worse destruction. If there was nuclear ordinance onboard, they were no doubt going to either try to turn the country over to them, or nuke the entire place. “Richard, send this message to Fleetcom, I’m making it now, and then I will transfer it to your station”

HMAS IDOL
Code: eyes only
From [Codename-Black] to [codename-seal]
Subject: interception of target designated as alpha 1.
Start message
I have acknowledged your request to cease all attacks on the target. However, if I hold up, I fear they may attack the destination with nuclear ordinance anyway. Or try and turn them to their side. If I can lure them to follow us, it may be out of range.

End message, press enter to continue

William reread the message he would send to Fleetcom. Satisfied, he piped it through to Richards’s console. “Message received sir, sending now… sent sir”. Now he would wait for Fleetcom to reply.

Fleetcom general officer Jason received the message sent by HMAS Idol. He had been the one originally tasked to tell them about the nuclear ordinance, but someone had beaten him to it. He checked the message that had been sent to them, and traced it. He traced it to a ship not far from the Idol, but the CCSID Number didn’t match any of the codes of the marine navy. He then went into the database of known enemy ships, and found a match. A class 22 HD-T Corvette. They made the message and sent via our Fleetcom using a Password proxy. Jason then acknowledged the worm that was attached to the message sent from the Idol. The class was different to the one reported. There was a traitor on that ship. He had to notify General William. He requested that a video link was established. “Sir? The link has failed. They are too near the ship. They are being jammed.” Jason calmly walked over to the lieutenant that told him that and growled, “Get a connection, or I will shove that head set of yours up your ass”. The lieutenant silently looked at his console, and got to work.

William looked at the ship in his sights, and cursed. He kicked himself for not having a nuclear sensor. That would have told them how much nuclear fissile material was on that ship. “Lieutenant Dominique, confirm no nuclear sensors on that ship.” “Confirmed, sir”. William sat down in his chair, and sighed. “Sir, I still have the target in sight, fire?” If he fired, the possibility of a nuke not being on there are equal to there one being on there. “Right, Full ahead

What do you think?

[1412]

EPIC :o if you could make a continues chapter of this story it'll be almost like a novel.

[Huayra]

Thanks. Im thinking of doing that. think of this as part one

[Jeanne d'Arc]

This is really cool! I'm definitely looking forward to the next excerpt.

[SmG Hawk]

Very very good, a few mistakes but it's very good. :up:

Please keep them coming.

[IcedOut]

u shud sell it

[1412]

You got a point there.. he could even donate.
Anyway my opinion is publish it and still continue to make chapters until you'll become famous IF you wan't but I'm sure you have other aims to accomplish so I'm not judging you.
You also got a perfect imagination there, keep it up!
(I'm not sure of some of my words so just keep it up.)